FLASH Parents Workshop: Maria

I live just outside Colchester with my daughter Emma who is 15 years old. I have a partner who is not resident with us. Emma also sees her dad regularly. Her dad has a fiancé and now a new baby.

He lives quite locally. I don’t see my family very often.

Since Emma has been self-harming, she has had three counsellors, we have also been in touch with police, CRISIS team, the local Hospital, her school, EWMHS and Family Solutions

At the beginning I was quite upset I had been referred to the FLASH course. I had tried my best for years, and at the weekend (when Emma goes to dads) it was my quiet time- and there I was at FLASH talking about stuff I was surrounded by the rest of the week. I was quite angry. Especially as I was constantly trying to get Emma the help and struggling. I heard about FLASH through Emma’s EWMHS therapist. I felt I had failed. I was alone. But straight away, once FLASH started, I realised I was not alone. That the course was to support me. To back me up. To listen to me. To help me understand many things.

My main goal I think at the beginning, other than above, was to explore why I had lost the love and tenderness between me and my daughter through everything. I was dealing with lots. I had become numb to it or I’d been through all the other stages of grief and ended up on numbness.

FLASH changed my approach to Emma. It shaped new ways of thinking about Emma and her behaviours/actions before I opened my mouth to respond to them. A huge shift. At first Emma threw the course in my face- they aren’t teaching you much, it must be rubbish, you are making me feel more miserable; but since the course, my relationship with her is much improved, more understanding and considered. We both use “I statements” when in a tricky situation. She has not cut since July. Our more balanced relationship has generally calmed our home. We talk more and we also say sorry to each other more. I have tried to impart the info and learning to her dad. That has not been so easy.

Many things worked well. Just being a part of a group of other people in the same position helped. The topics covered helped. It was paced well. The lunch and breaks I have to say were lovely. I felt thought about and a little bit pampered. I particularly found parts about her mental/brain development helpful.

I hope to continue implementing all I have learnt in my day to day experiences with Emma. Also- still being in contact with members of the group has given me a great support network. Knowing the FLASH team are there too via email is a great support too.

I found Jeannie and Sharon wonderful facilitators and human beings. They were so professional, so knowledgeable, but also down to earth and considerate of our needs.

Even though FLASH has ended for me, I know that it will have a huge effect on our future environment, experience and thought processes. I hope it continues as I know there are so many people out there struggling to understand what is going on in their home.